There are some very funny things that happen living among the indigenous peoples here in the NEK, but an article in the local paper yesterday, front-page-above-the-fold no less, is one of the best stories I've seen in a while.
Since the Calwreck does not permit full access to articles without a subscription, yes, you heard me right there, subscription needed! I give a synopsis below. What good is an online subscription to the many of us who buy the paper for fire starting anyway?
In Sutton, a town north of me, a town that as I recall is so small that the steeple on the church does not have a light, a family buried the cremains of a relative in the wrong plot. The family, it seems, wanted to bypass the $100 charge to the sexton for burial, so they performed a do-it-themself-job. Like many such jobs, all did not go according to specs. DIY's are the reason for Home Depot and Lowes, and yes, I am aware of this, but I don't think they have a burial section in their stores, much less burial experts on hand to give advice. And so, things went wrong. The cremains, fortunately in an urn, were buried in the wrong plot.
Although the burial was in October the situation came to light just recently, and was made public at a Select Board meeting this past week during a meeting to discuss snow plows. It seems that someone casually told the sexton they were sorry they had not been able to attend the burial in October, whereupon the sexton said she was unaware of the burial. Yikes! The cat was out of the bag, or perhaps the urn.
The Select Board--erroneously? unjustifiably?-- took responsibility for rectifying the situation. And perhaps they should have, because, it seems, they have experience with burial problems in Sutton. An unspecified time ago a casket was not buried deep enough to withstand the vagaries of frost and it surfaced. The article incorrectly says, "there was a burial that wasn't deep enough and it was coming up through the surface." Sorry Calwreck, the burial was not buried, and the burial did not come up through the surface. Edit, puh-leese!
Nevertheless, Select Persons (SP's) Spencer and Solinsky were concerned then that Sutton would be over run with zombies. And, so I posit, SP's Spencer and Solinsky, that perhaps, as in any good horror film or book, Sutton was over run with zombies, and continues to be so even under your watch. After all, as players in the situation you would not know. We consumers of the horror genre do know, however, and we watch, holding our breath and biting our nails, as events like the wrong plot urn burial unfold, knowing for sure that The Truth and Disaster lie ahead. Because, Sp's and other officials, you do not know who among you is a zombie. You do not even know if you are zombies.
Zombie behavior is a fairly good clue to zombie-ness, however, and the SP's are exhibiting extreme zombie behavior in regard to the wrong plot conundrum. There is a simple solution: get the family to dig up the urn--unless they want to pay the sexton this time & if the sexton does un-burials as well as burials--and bury it in the right plot. The one next door if I understand correctly. After all, it was an honest mistake. Take a ride through any suburban neighborhood in America and there are acres of houses that all look alike. Anyone could go into, and perhaps even move into, the wrong one. In such cases the wrong occupant would be informed of their error, pack up their stuff and go to the correct domicile. Clearly this is what happened in Sutton, minus the easy solution.
Instead, Sutton's SP's are investigating the correct "protocols" through the Secretary of State's office, even though protocol was not followed in the urn burial to begin with. They are waiting for answers, but, they say, they do not want to wait too long, in case the rightful occupant should require the plot. Oh, yes, zombie behavior--look for protocol when a human solution would do just fine. All that just to appear human. But how do you know, SP's that the Secretary of State is not a zombie too? Those are the things that happen.
Just dig up and rebury the urn. That's all. Think of the benefits. No need for packing, and those who missed the first burial can come to the second one. Just make sure the hole is deep enough, and do it soon so the real owner of that plot doesn't come a knockin'.
And such is life among the indigenous people (zombies?).
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